Valentines Day is just around the corner, and while gifts are nice, do they speak to your partner’s love language?
My hubby and I did a course called “The Five Love Languages”. We learned that what makes one person feel loved will not necessarily make another person feel the same way. We all express love toward others in the way we want to receive love. When our partner doesn’t respond positively to our expression of love, we get annoyed, disappointed, and frustrated. The problem is not how sincere we are; the problem is that we are not speaking our partner’s love language.
Do you know what your significant other’s love language is? You can take the Love Language Test here.
Here’s a brief overview on the five love languages through my eyes.
Words of Affirmation
These are things we all need to hear. Compliment your partner on the way they look, a character trait, or something they’ve done for you. Use words like “I truly appreciate you doing xyz for me” or “You know, I really love xyz about you” or “You look lovely/handsome today”. Your compliments need to be unsolicited.
There is nothing more generous than receiving a little something that says, “I was thinking about you.” You don’t need to be extravagant with your gift, let it be simple but thoughtful. Think about what your partner always looks at while shopping, or talks about, or enjoys as a hobby.
Acts of Service
We all enjoy it when our partner pulls alongside us to help out with a chore or project. Things like helping with dishes, taking the trash out, cooking, cleaning the bathroom, doing laundry, mowing the lawn, changing diapers, wiping snotty noses and bathing little ones, are all acts of service. We’ve heard for decades that “Actions speak louder than words” and guess what? They truly do, when you’re with someone who lists acts of service as their primary love language.
Give your spouse undivided attention – don’t make them feel second best. Giving undivided attention is not watching a tv show or movie together. It means doing things together that require you both to look at one another while talking. Go for a walk and talk, go out to dinner and put that phone away – look your partner in the eye and have a conversation without interruption. Hearing your partner say “We don’t ever spend time together” is your partner telling you that you don’t give them enough undivided attention. It’s not about just living together and residing in the same home, it’s all about focusing on one another and conversing minus the distractions of the world.
Physical touch has many meanings, but in the Five Love Languages course, it’s all about holding hands, kissing, embracing, being intimate, putting an arm around a shoulder or cuddling while watching a movie or tv show.
Each and every one of us has a primary love language – one that speaks most to us emotionally. It’s almost like a spoken language, a language we relied on more than any other, a language we understand the best. The same can be said of our love language. The problem that arises in most relationships, is that naturally, we speak our own love language vs our partner’s love language. We tend to assume that what makes us feel loved is what makes our partner feel loved, and this is incorrect. In the course “The Five Love Languages”, we learned that in order to be effective in keeping your partner’s emotional love alive, you have to know and learn to speak the love language of your partner.
What are some gifts that speak to your love language? I’d love to hear, so please comment below.