What is Your Valentine’s Love Language?

Valentines Day is just around the corner, and while gifts are nice, do they speak to your partner’s love language?

My hubby and I did a course called “The Five Love Languages”. We learned that what makes one person feel loved will not necessarily make another person feel the same way. We all express love toward others in the way we want to receive love. When our partner doesn’t respond positively to our expression of love, we get annoyed, disappointed, and frustrated. The problem is not how sincere we are; the problem is that we are not speaking our partner’s love language.

Do you know what your significant other’s love language is? You can take the Love Language Test here.

Here’s a brief overview on the five love languages through my eyes.

Words of Affirmation
These are things we all need to hear. Compliment your partner on the way they look, a character trait, or something they’ve done for you. Use words like “I truly appreciate you doing xyz for me” or “You know, I really love xyz about you” or “You look lovely/handsome today”. Your compliments need to be unsolicited.

Receiving Gifts
There is nothing more generous than receiving a little something that says, “I was thinking about you.” You don’t need to be extravagant with your gift, let it be simple but thoughtful. Think about what your partner always looks at while shopping, or talks about, or enjoys as a hobby.

Acts of Service
We all enjoy it when our partner pulls alongside us to help out with a chore or project. Things like helping with dishes, taking the trash out, cooking, cleaning the bathroom, doing laundry, mowing the lawn, changing diapers, wiping snotty noses and bathing little ones, are all acts of service. We’ve heard for decades that “Actions speak louder than words” and guess what? They truly do, when you’re with someone who lists acts of service as their primary love language.

Quality Time
Give your spouse undivided attention – don’t make them feel second best. Giving undivided attention is not watching a tv show or movie together. It means doing things together that require you both to look at one another while talking. Go for a walk and talk, go out to dinner and put that phone away – look your partner in the eye and have a conversation without interruption. Hearing your partner say “We don’t ever spend time together” is your partner telling you that you don’t give them enough undivided attention. It’s not about just living together and residing in the same home, it’s all about focusing on one another and conversing minus the distractions of the world.

Physical Touch
Physical touch has many meanings, but in the Five Love Languages course, it’s all about holding hands, kissing, embracing, being intimate, putting an arm around a shoulder or cuddling while watching a movie or tv show.

Each and every one of us has a primary love language – one that speaks most to us emotionally. It’s almost like a spoken language, a language we relied on more than any other, a language we understand the best. The same can be said of our love language. The problem that arises in most relationships, is that naturally, we speak our own love language vs our partner’s love language. We tend to assume that what makes us feel loved is what makes our partner feel loved, and this is incorrect. In the course “The Five Love Languages”, we learned that in order to be effective in keeping your partner’s emotional love alive, you have to know and learn to speak the love language of your partner.

What are some gifts that speak to your love language? I’d love to hear, so please comment below.

From the Heart Friday

On my heart today…

Sometimes we get so caught up with giving to and focusing on others that we neglect our own families. Not just the family we live with, but our siblings and our parents as well. I’m not saying that it’s not good to give or to help others, but I think it’s more important to take care of those in our family first before extending ourselves to others. Sometimes we focus so much on being ‘needed’ by others and neglect the real need for love and attention at home or within our extended families.

Our children are little for a moment…  They grow, change and move on so quickly. We get so busy with being busy… How can we love and nurture our children when we’re so focused on giving our time away to everyone else but them? I hear parents complaining about not having time – time to nap, time for ‘girls night out’, time for themselves… Here’s the thing – you chose to become a parent. When you become a parent, life changes and your precious gems rely on you. Nobody said it would be easy, yes it requires endless hours of giving of yourself to your little ones, but guess what? You chose this lifestyle, and it’s amazingly rewarding if you take time to invest and enjoy your little ones. It’s an absolute blessing to be a parent, you are raising a little life, a life that is our future generation. Love them with everything inside of you, despite how exhausted you may be!

When you nurture your relationship with your children, your children will be close to you forever.  If you didn’t have that growing up, make the conscious decision to be the parent you may not have had. My precious mother and I have a priceless relationship, and I treasure her more than anything. She sacrificed her time and her career so that my siblings and I would turn out to be decent human beings. It is the reason why I am the Mom and wife I am today, and for that, I am eternally grateful.

It saddens me to see so many families falling apart. If every family took time to nurture and build relationships with siblings, parents, in-laws, etc. despite whatever differences there might be, I believe wholeheartedly, that the world would be a better place. Relationship building begins at home… If you’re a happy family, you will share that happiness and kindness with others, for whatever is within us, usually spills out and is shared with others, wherever we go in whatever we do. When people are unhappy or insecure, it carries over into their daily lives, their jobs and their relationships with others. They are never happy or satisfied, and end up looking for attention, negative or positive, outside of the home instead of working on improving themselves and the relationships they have, with those closest to them.

I think it’s important for us to take time to stop and evaluate. Evaluate your life, your relationships, your reasons for doing what you’re doing.  How often do you call your parents or siblings to tell them you love them or miss them? They may be near or far – it doesn’t matter, they’re your family, they need to be reminded that you still think of them.

How often do you tell your spouse or your children that you love them or you’re proud of them? Not for achievements, but for being the beautiful soul they are. Are you raising your children to be kind and compassionate or are you too busy being busy to spend time with them?

How often do you turn off the phone to be present in the moment with your spouse or little ones? I see so many families going out to dinner, with each person sitting around a table staring at their phones. It’s heartbreaking! How are we raising families that care when clearly the focus is the phone, not relationship building?

We are living in a world where people are so caught up with social media and a false sense of friendship based on the number of ‘friends’ they have on Facebook. GET OFF FACEBOOK and visit your family and friends. It seems like, gone are the days when friends and family would drop in for a cup of coffee or tea, Sunday afternoons would be spent baking and playing board games, weekends would be for visiting.

This world is chaotic… Everybody wants something, but very few are willing to give of themselves selflessly. Don’t forget your family, they need you as much as everyone else if not more – you are flesh and blood. The reward of spending time with your family is far greater than that of social media likes, trophies, medals, recognition from strangers, or your name on a certificate. Those things are all frivolous… In the end, when we leave this world, we leave it all to rot and ruin… What you sow, you reap, it’s a biblical principal.

Life is short, so love unconditionally, forgive quickly, show kindness not just to outsiders or those who love you for what you give them, but to your family too. Call your parents, love your siblings, spend time with those nearest to your heart. Hold your family close, for tomorrow isn’t guaranteed.